Tears in the Middle of Smiles

Last week was a very frustrating and confusing week for me. A project I am trying to finish seemed to come to an abrupt end. Oh, I could move forward in the direction I was going, but the cost would be more than I could handle with peace. So I stopped.

I stood alone in my thoughts, feeling a sense of sadness, and confusion. Where should I turn? What path should I follow? What paths were out there for me to even pursue? I felt as if I were surrounded by clouds. I was tired, disappointed, and questioned why I even began my project. And then Patrick took me to a free concert in the park.

I didn't want to go. I just wanted to curl up and watch tv or go to bed, or figure out what was next. But I went and heard so great tunes, even danced a little. The strange thing was that every so often I had a great urge to cry. Amid happy music, happy people, and a beautiful day, I had tears wanting to escape my eyes. Why? Maybe my fatigue, maybe my frustration, maybe that I just wanted to feel something else besides confusion.

Come to think of it, maybe the happy mixed with tears was an expression of my confused emotions. Maybe it is okay to be both when you feel both.

Later that night, I laid down and began to pray. God is always a good Father to me at those times. He comes near and listens while I tell Him all my concerns. I thank Him too, because He is there as my Father. I can be a daughter who needs a Daddy to listen, guide and encourage. Someone who really knows the plan and that everything will work out as it should. My eyes closed and He showed me a picture of my project complete. I relaxed. I slept. I woke up ready to start again.

I believe God loves to see me smile. He loves to watch me dance and enjoy the music that surrounds me. I also believes that He cares about my tears. The bible says He collects them. (Psalm 56:8). When I turn them over to Him letting them flow, God can clarify my vision. Tears wash away the the things we bottle up that keep us from seeing truth.

The truth is that this is not just my project. It is a joint effort with God. In every step, He is my partner. I am not alone. He provides and gives wisdom freely. I can trust Him. The project continues. Someday soon I hope to share it with you.